Dear Sender,Thanks for your email. I am out of the office until January 3. That's right. I work so hard and am so important to this company that I haven't taken any vacation this year. So now it's December 22 and I have four weeks to use. Since I work 24/7, taking the next 13 days is like taking four weeks.
You clearly don't work as hard as I do since you're sending me this email today. Procrastinator. But because you took that two weeks with your family in Orlando earlier this year, and then another week at the beach you're stuck with only a few vacation days left. Sucks to be you.
While you were sending me this email, I was using my hard earned vacation. I had about 5 months of drycleaning stacked up so that took all of this morning to take in. And now I am probably looking for my gym membership card that's somewhere in my house since I haven't been since June.
Then, I'll probably decide not to go, and sit on the couch to watch some daytime TV. Did you know there aren't many soap operas on anymore? I had no idea so many people were home during the day, but they are. And they're calling QVC and ordering things from something called the Quacker Factory.
But don't despair! While watching my tenth episode in a row of House Hunters, I'll pick up my smartphone and see your email because I can't ever concentrate on just one thing. And I'll probably reply, because I love love love love checking my email. Then I'll decide that the reply is too long to type out on my phone. So I'll boot up that awesome company-issued Lenovo PC and write you a long thoughtful response...which you won't read until January 3 because you're too busy sipping egg nog and spending actual time with your family.
I can't tell you who to contact in my absence because no one's available. Meaning, no one will admit they're available. But most of them, like me, are pretending to be on vacation, so you can email them too and they'll probably write you back while watching reruns of Battlestar Gallactica or Say Yes to the Dress.
So Happy Holidays, and I look forward to collaborating successfully with you in 2012.
The person you just emailed.